sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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