Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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