i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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