I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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