How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
