Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
