i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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