I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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