I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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