I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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