Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
