Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
