I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize