Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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