I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your dad touched me again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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