Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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