i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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