if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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