And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
