4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
