So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
