the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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