I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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