i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
