The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
