I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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