Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...

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(502): if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings... http://tfl.nu/axpi

Replies (16) Good night (3367) Bad night (586)
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(253): View more from Washington

Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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(253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq

Replies (15) Good night (637) Bad night (3637)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

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(262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum

Replies (36) Good night (10706) Bad night (943)
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(518): View more from New York

Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.

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(518): Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy. http://tfl.nu/8m2c

Replies (17) Good night (5148) Bad night (1481)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9

Replies (9) Good night (4293) Bad night (1328)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??

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(603): As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right?? http://tfl.nu/yy40

Replies (32) Good night (3990) Bad night (1067)
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(845): View more from New York

Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way

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(845): Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way http://tfl.nu/6bq1

Replies (5) Good night (1332) Bad night (571)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D

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(616): I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D http://tfl.nu/kf4w

Replies (8) Good night (2537) Bad night (530)
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(714): View more from California

the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?

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(714): the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that? http://tfl.nu/e4u9

Replies (19) Good night (2704) Bad night (697)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often

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(902): Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often http://tfl.nu/p8eg

Replies (14) Good night (1654) Bad night (563)
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(785): View more from Kansas

God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.

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(785): God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr. http://tfl.nu/5tpq

Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (563)
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(319): View more from Iowa

You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..

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(319): You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer.. http://tfl.nu/i9am

Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (696)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.

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(512): I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours. http://tfl.nu/179p

Replies (8) Good night (502) Bad night (900)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?

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(320): So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing? http://tfl.nu/5f4v

Replies (3) Good night (370) Bad night (241)
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(317): View more from Indiana

My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.

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(317): My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago. http://tfl.nu/ox4y

Replies (5) Good night (635) Bad night (241)

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