I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
