Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As shirtless as possible
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
