The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
