I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
