My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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