my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
