yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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