forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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