The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
