Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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