You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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