Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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