You're my little dorito
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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