well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
kristin has been a bad kristin
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
