if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
