I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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