I bet he comes in French.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
