the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
