I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
