i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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