just tell him i said nine months
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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