you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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