apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
