you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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