she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
