seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
