Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
