I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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