i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
