is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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