I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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