i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
