writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
