My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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