According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
