I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
