# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So much Jack, so little girl.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
