girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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