god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
