if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
